Jeffrey Demps is just one of the many reasons Florida - sadly - enters 2009 atop the rankings.We've all seen a movie where a person - typically a girl - uses the infamous line, "I don' know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to tell you..."
This line is usually followed by some kind of bad news, ranking somewhere along the lines of "I've been cheating on you" or "I'm pregnant" (that could be good news, but not if she precedes it with the line in the first paragraph).
Well, as I get ready to unveil my preseason top 25, which is something I look forward to every college football season, it comes with a bit of a damper in 2009 because I must incorporate the infamous line in paragraph one to kick it off.
I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to tell you...
Florida is No. 1.
There, I said it. And no, I don't feel any better about it now that I have officially said it. Being the Florida State student and die-hard Seminole fan I am, it pains me deeply to utter these words. I searched up and down for reasons to keep the Gators from holding the top spot, but when me of all people can't find a single reason why they shouldn't be No. 1, they are absolutely legit. I'll save my reasons for them being No. 1 in my team write-up for them once we actually dive into the rankings.
Anyway, let's take a look at what we can expect to see in 2009. To me, there are two guaranteed things: Florida will go undefeated, and we will have PLENTY of controversy compliments of the crowd-pleasing BCS. If you thought last year's Oklahoma-Texas debacle was a loud scream for a playoff, this season's BCS meltdown may break the sound barrier.
When analyzing the top team's schedules, we have serious potential to have five undefeated teams at the conclusion of the regular season. Yes, FIVE. Florida goes unbeaten based on talent and coaching alone. Penn State has really only one tough test all season, which comes Nov. 7 against Ohio State. Fortunately for Penn State, the game is in Happy Valley. The Texas-Oklahoma winner on Oct. 17 in Dallas should finish undefeated. The two other unbeaten teams could be USC and Boise State, although both face tough challenges. USC travels to Ohio State Sept. 12 for its first road game of the year and will still be breaking in a new quarterback in redshirt freshman Aaron Corp. The Trojans also have difficult conference road games against Cal (Oct. 3) and Oregon (Oct. 31). As for Boise State, if they can find a way to get by Oregon at home in the season opener Sept. 3, it should be smooth sailing to a 12-0 record. What the BCS will do with this mess if it happens (and I sure hope it does), nobody can be certain.
You may have noticed when I ran off USC's slate of tough games this season, I left out their Oct. 17 tilt against Notre Dame in South Bend. There's a lot of hype surrounding the Irish this year, but for what reason? Why give a team who has gone 10-15 the last two seasons and has a glorified high school schedule in '09 preseason top 25 consideration? When exactly half of your schedule consists of Nevada, Washington, Washington State, Navy, UConn and a depleted Boston College team, it's going to take a while before you receive any sort of consideration in the Brett Jula Top 25 Poll. In fact, I've already set the criteria for the earliest Notre Dame can crack my top 25 this year:
- Be undefeated heading into their Oct. 17 game against USC. That means win home games against Nevada, Michigan State and Washington and road games against Michigan and Purdue. Strange - I think my alma mater, Center High School, has that exact schedule!
- Stay within two touchdowns of USC on Oct. 17. Yes, I'm willing to give more credit to the Irish for a hard-fought loss to a respectable opponent than beating up a helpless opponent.
I could rant all day about how overrated and undeserving the 2009 Notre Dame football team is of a top 25 ranking - it could be a 5,000-word blog post in itself. But let's go ahead and talk about the teams who are actually part of the preseason top 25. Here it is.
No. 25: N.C. State
Head coach Tom O'Brien made a big splash in his third year at Boston College in 1999, going 8-4 after consecutive 4-7 seasons. Will year three at N.C. State see similar results? After closing out last year with four straight wins to make a bowl game and returning the ACC's brightest young star in sophomore quarterback Russell Wilson (17 TD, 1 INT in 2008), there's more than enough reason for optimism in Raleigh.
No. 24: BYU
The Cougars will light up the scoreboard in 2009 with the returns of quarterback Max Hall (3,957 yards, 35 TD in 2008) and running back Harvey Unga (1,132 yards, 11 TD), and they should win plenty of games, but a tough schedule to start the season with games against Oklahoma and Florida State will have BYU out of the 'BCS Buster' talk early.
No. 23: North Carolina
Chapel Hill will always be a basketball town, but Butch Davis is doing a good job getting the football program some attention. UNC is one of the nation's up-and-coming programs, and 2009 should just add more fuel to that fire. The Tar Heels have some holes to fill, particularly at wide receiver with the departure of first-round draft pick Hakeem Nicks, but a strong recruiting class and Davis' coaching should keep them lingering around the top 25 all season long.
No. 22: Kansas
Speaking of quality programs that are overshadowed by basketball, we come to the 22nd-ranked Jayhawks. Kansas was the talk of the country in 2007 with their 12-1 season and Orange Bowl win and followed that up with an 8-5 campaign last season, but cut the Jayhawks some slack - the three Big XII South Division opponents they faced last year were Oklahoma, Texas and Texas Tech - who were each ranked in the top 3 at one point in 2008. Quarterback Todd Ressing returns for his senior season and should put up gaudy numbers throwing to Dezmon Briscoe and Kerry Meier, each of whom caught 90+ balls for 1,000+ yards a year ago.
No. 21: TCU
TCU has hinged their success upon its defense in recent years, and 2009 will be no different. The Horned Frogs return key players from a defensive unit that surrendered just 10.4 points per game last year and a miniscule 1.4 yards per rush. Headlining the defense is consensus All-American defensive end Jerry Hughes, who led the nation in sacks last year with 15 and had an impressive 19.5 tackles for loss.
No. 20: Florida State
All decade, FSU fans have been asking the question "Is this the year Florida State returns to dominance?" Well, it depends on what your definition of 'dominance' is. If it is 9-10 wins and an ACC championship, the answer could be yes, because both of those feats are well within reach in 2009. If it's anything greater, I'd hold off on that talk for at least another year. Florida State is still a very young team with a lot of question marks on the defensive line and in the secondary, and the losses of Greg Carr, Preston Parker and Corey Surrency and an achilles tendon injury to Taiwan Easterling leaves the depth chart at wide receiver razor-thin. The 'Noles' success this season will rely heavily on the shoulders of quarterback Christian Ponder and the offensive line, which, barring injuries, should be the best unit in the ACC.
No. 19: Iowa
Okay, Kirk Ferentz - time to start really earning that huge paycheck you've been getting since 2004. Last year was a good start by knocking Penn State out of the BCS Championship race, winning 9 games and embarassing South Carolina on New Year's Day in the Outback Bowl. Now let's see what you have for an encore.
No. 18: Nebraska
It may not look like Tom Osbourne and Frank Solich and their option-style offenses that made Nebraska famous, but Bo Pellini seems to have the Huskers playing Husker football again. In his debut season in Lincoln, Pellini guided Nebraska to 9 wins for the first time since 2003 and their first New Year's Day bowl since the national championship game of the 2001 season. Running backs Roy Helu Jr. and Quentin Castille should take a lot of pressure off quarterback Zac Lee, who has thrown only two passes at the Division I level.
No. 17: West Virginia
It's hard to replace a talent like Pat White, but senior Jarrett Brown has the tools and experience necessary to do just that. Having a soft schedule and stud running back Noel Devine in the backfield eases the pain as well.
No. 16: Georgia
Despite going 10-3, last season was a big disappointment through the eyes of Georgia fans given their preseason No. 1 ranking and the dynamic duo of quarterback Matthew Stafford and running back Knowshon Moreno. Both Stafford and Moreno bolted for greener pastures to the NFL at season's end, and with them went the lofty expectations for the Dawgs in 2009. How will UGA respond to life after Stafford and Knowshon? We'll find out right from the get-go as they open up on the road against a highly-talented Oklahoma State squad Sept. 5.
No. 15: Boise State
Head coach Chris Petersen is calling Boise State's opener against Oregon "the biggest game in the history of the program." For a team that's won 10 or more games in six of the last seven seasons, went undefeated in 2006 and shocked Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl that year, I'd consider that a pretty bold statement. But who's to say he's wrong? A win over the Ducks and the Broncos have a pretty clear shot to a 12-0 regular season for the second straight year.
No. 14: Oregon
Still shocked that I'm excited about a game featuring Oregon and Boise State. Can we go back to 1999 when the college football universe was parallel?
No. 13: Georgia Tech
Paul Johnson showed just how lethal the triple-option can be at the major Division I level last year...and he didn't even have players recruited to run that style of offense. With a year of learning the triple-option under their belt, 17 starters coming back and the return of running back/ACC Player of the Year Jonathan Dwyer (1,395 yards, 12 TD), there's not one team in America that wants to face the Yellow Jackets...except maybe Florida.
No. 12: Virginia Tech
Virginia Tech has found the ACC waters to be pretty smooth, having won the league three times in the five years it's been a member. Given how the ACC has stacked up in recent times against the other major conferences, however, the Hokies' much-hyped opener against SEC power Alabama in the Georgia Dome on Sept. 5 may prove to be more important than any other game they play all year - at least for the ACC's sake as a whole.
No. 11: California
People have been talking for quite a while now trying to find a team to dethrone USC as the Pac Ten's top team. I don't think it's going to happen for a long time, but if there is one team that has the possibility to do it in 2009, without a doubt it's the Golden Bears. If running back Jahvid Best hangs around for one more season and let's the hype around Tebow, Colt McCoy and Sam Bradford wither away, he'll be the Heisman front-runner in 2010.
No. 10: Ole Miss
Song of the Day: Houston Nutt - Tell Me How My A** Taste (Remix). Produced by: Shaquille O'Neal. CD mailed to: Arkansas Athletic Department
No. 9: Alabama
Warning: Serious love for the SEC is about to be exhibited. I tried to contain myself, but when you reel in a top-five recruiting class like Nick Saban did, your team is coached by Saban and you have the likes of superfreak Julio Jones returning on offense and defensive standouts Terrence Cody and Rolando McClain, you AT LEAST can't keep Bama out of the top 10.
No. 8: Ohio State
Terrelle Pryor showed why he was the No. 1 recruit in the nation out of high school last season when he guided the Buckeyes to a 10-2 regular season and a near-upset of Texas in the Fiesta Bowl as a true freshman. All reports out of Columbus say Pryor has made tremendous strides since last season. If that is true, Ohio State could wind up playing for its third championship in four years (note to God: please don't let this happen).
No. 7: Penn State
All fingers point to the Lions' highly-anticipated matchup with Pryor and the Buckeyes Nov. 7. This is probably the only Big Ten game you'll see me get excited about for the next 15-20 years.
No. 6: LSU
Les Miles is too good of a coach, and the Tigers are too good of a team to even have a chance or replicating their dismal 3-5 SEC season from a year ago. LSU found their answer at quarterback in sophomore Jordan Jefferson, who had an outstanding game in the Tigers' 38-3 stomping of Georgia Tech in last year's Chik-Fil-A Bowl. While LSU will be hoping to ride the wave of their bowl win well into this season, it won't be easy given their daunting conference schedule that features road contests against Georgia, Alabama and Ole Miss and a home tilt against Florida.
No. 5: Oklahoma State
Mike Gundy doesn't have boys at Oklahoma State anymore - THEY'RE MEN! Most of those men are on the offensive side of the ball, headlined by the three-headed monster of quarterback Zac Robinson (3,064 yards, 25 TD, 10 INT), running back Kendall Hunter (1,555 yards, 20 TD) and wide out Dez Bryant (87 catches, 1,480 yards, 19 TD). As scary as the trio was last year, expect it to be even scarier this season. They should probably fittingly save their biggest scares of the year for Halloween - they'll be playing some team called Texas that day.
No. 4: USC
This is the most vulnerable the Trojans have looked since 2002...and I still have them at No. 4. USC will have to replace all three linebackers from last year's Rose Bowl team as Rey Maualuga, Brian Cushing and Clay Matthews all were selected in April's NFL Draft, and quarterback Mark Sanchez is gone as well and will be replaced by previously-mentioned Aaron Corp. Trojan fans shouldn't be too worried about the QB situation, though - Matt Leinart and Sanchez made pretty smooth transitions from the bench to the field, didn't they?
No. 3: Oklahoma
Oct. 17...OHHHH BABY!
No. 2: Texas
Oct. 17...OHHHH BABY!
No. 1: Florida
Tim Tebow. Jeffrey Demps. Chris Rainey. Urban Meyer. All 11 defensive starters back. Top-five recruiting class. There's nothing more to say about the Gators - I've accepted their nastiness for the 2009 season. Two goons in an office in downtown Sarasota right now are probably laughing, lighting up Cohibas, drinking Malibu-&-Cokes saying "Life is good." Okay, I need to throw up now.
This line is usually followed by some kind of bad news, ranking somewhere along the lines of "I've been cheating on you" or "I'm pregnant" (that could be good news, but not if she precedes it with the line in the first paragraph).
Well, as I get ready to unveil my preseason top 25, which is something I look forward to every college football season, it comes with a bit of a damper in 2009 because I must incorporate the infamous line in paragraph one to kick it off.
I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to tell you...
Florida is No. 1.
There, I said it. And no, I don't feel any better about it now that I have officially said it. Being the Florida State student and die-hard Seminole fan I am, it pains me deeply to utter these words. I searched up and down for reasons to keep the Gators from holding the top spot, but when me of all people can't find a single reason why they shouldn't be No. 1, they are absolutely legit. I'll save my reasons for them being No. 1 in my team write-up for them once we actually dive into the rankings.
Anyway, let's take a look at what we can expect to see in 2009. To me, there are two guaranteed things: Florida will go undefeated, and we will have PLENTY of controversy compliments of the crowd-pleasing BCS. If you thought last year's Oklahoma-Texas debacle was a loud scream for a playoff, this season's BCS meltdown may break the sound barrier.
When analyzing the top team's schedules, we have serious potential to have five undefeated teams at the conclusion of the regular season. Yes, FIVE. Florida goes unbeaten based on talent and coaching alone. Penn State has really only one tough test all season, which comes Nov. 7 against Ohio State. Fortunately for Penn State, the game is in Happy Valley. The Texas-Oklahoma winner on Oct. 17 in Dallas should finish undefeated. The two other unbeaten teams could be USC and Boise State, although both face tough challenges. USC travels to Ohio State Sept. 12 for its first road game of the year and will still be breaking in a new quarterback in redshirt freshman Aaron Corp. The Trojans also have difficult conference road games against Cal (Oct. 3) and Oregon (Oct. 31). As for Boise State, if they can find a way to get by Oregon at home in the season opener Sept. 3, it should be smooth sailing to a 12-0 record. What the BCS will do with this mess if it happens (and I sure hope it does), nobody can be certain.
You may have noticed when I ran off USC's slate of tough games this season, I left out their Oct. 17 tilt against Notre Dame in South Bend. There's a lot of hype surrounding the Irish this year, but for what reason? Why give a team who has gone 10-15 the last two seasons and has a glorified high school schedule in '09 preseason top 25 consideration? When exactly half of your schedule consists of Nevada, Washington, Washington State, Navy, UConn and a depleted Boston College team, it's going to take a while before you receive any sort of consideration in the Brett Jula Top 25 Poll. In fact, I've already set the criteria for the earliest Notre Dame can crack my top 25 this year:
- Be undefeated heading into their Oct. 17 game against USC. That means win home games against Nevada, Michigan State and Washington and road games against Michigan and Purdue. Strange - I think my alma mater, Center High School, has that exact schedule!
- Stay within two touchdowns of USC on Oct. 17. Yes, I'm willing to give more credit to the Irish for a hard-fought loss to a respectable opponent than beating up a helpless opponent.
I could rant all day about how overrated and undeserving the 2009 Notre Dame football team is of a top 25 ranking - it could be a 5,000-word blog post in itself. But let's go ahead and talk about the teams who are actually part of the preseason top 25. Here it is.
No. 25: N.C. State
Head coach Tom O'Brien made a big splash in his third year at Boston College in 1999, going 8-4 after consecutive 4-7 seasons. Will year three at N.C. State see similar results? After closing out last year with four straight wins to make a bowl game and returning the ACC's brightest young star in sophomore quarterback Russell Wilson (17 TD, 1 INT in 2008), there's more than enough reason for optimism in Raleigh.
No. 24: BYU
The Cougars will light up the scoreboard in 2009 with the returns of quarterback Max Hall (3,957 yards, 35 TD in 2008) and running back Harvey Unga (1,132 yards, 11 TD), and they should win plenty of games, but a tough schedule to start the season with games against Oklahoma and Florida State will have BYU out of the 'BCS Buster' talk early.
No. 23: North Carolina
Chapel Hill will always be a basketball town, but Butch Davis is doing a good job getting the football program some attention. UNC is one of the nation's up-and-coming programs, and 2009 should just add more fuel to that fire. The Tar Heels have some holes to fill, particularly at wide receiver with the departure of first-round draft pick Hakeem Nicks, but a strong recruiting class and Davis' coaching should keep them lingering around the top 25 all season long.
No. 22: Kansas
Speaking of quality programs that are overshadowed by basketball, we come to the 22nd-ranked Jayhawks. Kansas was the talk of the country in 2007 with their 12-1 season and Orange Bowl win and followed that up with an 8-5 campaign last season, but cut the Jayhawks some slack - the three Big XII South Division opponents they faced last year were Oklahoma, Texas and Texas Tech - who were each ranked in the top 3 at one point in 2008. Quarterback Todd Ressing returns for his senior season and should put up gaudy numbers throwing to Dezmon Briscoe and Kerry Meier, each of whom caught 90+ balls for 1,000+ yards a year ago.
No. 21: TCU
TCU has hinged their success upon its defense in recent years, and 2009 will be no different. The Horned Frogs return key players from a defensive unit that surrendered just 10.4 points per game last year and a miniscule 1.4 yards per rush. Headlining the defense is consensus All-American defensive end Jerry Hughes, who led the nation in sacks last year with 15 and had an impressive 19.5 tackles for loss.
No. 20: Florida State
All decade, FSU fans have been asking the question "Is this the year Florida State returns to dominance?" Well, it depends on what your definition of 'dominance' is. If it is 9-10 wins and an ACC championship, the answer could be yes, because both of those feats are well within reach in 2009. If it's anything greater, I'd hold off on that talk for at least another year. Florida State is still a very young team with a lot of question marks on the defensive line and in the secondary, and the losses of Greg Carr, Preston Parker and Corey Surrency and an achilles tendon injury to Taiwan Easterling leaves the depth chart at wide receiver razor-thin. The 'Noles' success this season will rely heavily on the shoulders of quarterback Christian Ponder and the offensive line, which, barring injuries, should be the best unit in the ACC.
No. 19: Iowa
Okay, Kirk Ferentz - time to start really earning that huge paycheck you've been getting since 2004. Last year was a good start by knocking Penn State out of the BCS Championship race, winning 9 games and embarassing South Carolina on New Year's Day in the Outback Bowl. Now let's see what you have for an encore.
No. 18: Nebraska
It may not look like Tom Osbourne and Frank Solich and their option-style offenses that made Nebraska famous, but Bo Pellini seems to have the Huskers playing Husker football again. In his debut season in Lincoln, Pellini guided Nebraska to 9 wins for the first time since 2003 and their first New Year's Day bowl since the national championship game of the 2001 season. Running backs Roy Helu Jr. and Quentin Castille should take a lot of pressure off quarterback Zac Lee, who has thrown only two passes at the Division I level.
No. 17: West Virginia
It's hard to replace a talent like Pat White, but senior Jarrett Brown has the tools and experience necessary to do just that. Having a soft schedule and stud running back Noel Devine in the backfield eases the pain as well.
No. 16: Georgia
Despite going 10-3, last season was a big disappointment through the eyes of Georgia fans given their preseason No. 1 ranking and the dynamic duo of quarterback Matthew Stafford and running back Knowshon Moreno. Both Stafford and Moreno bolted for greener pastures to the NFL at season's end, and with them went the lofty expectations for the Dawgs in 2009. How will UGA respond to life after Stafford and Knowshon? We'll find out right from the get-go as they open up on the road against a highly-talented Oklahoma State squad Sept. 5.
No. 15: Boise State
Head coach Chris Petersen is calling Boise State's opener against Oregon "the biggest game in the history of the program." For a team that's won 10 or more games in six of the last seven seasons, went undefeated in 2006 and shocked Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl that year, I'd consider that a pretty bold statement. But who's to say he's wrong? A win over the Ducks and the Broncos have a pretty clear shot to a 12-0 regular season for the second straight year.
No. 14: Oregon
Still shocked that I'm excited about a game featuring Oregon and Boise State. Can we go back to 1999 when the college football universe was parallel?
No. 13: Georgia Tech
Paul Johnson showed just how lethal the triple-option can be at the major Division I level last year...and he didn't even have players recruited to run that style of offense. With a year of learning the triple-option under their belt, 17 starters coming back and the return of running back/ACC Player of the Year Jonathan Dwyer (1,395 yards, 12 TD), there's not one team in America that wants to face the Yellow Jackets...except maybe Florida.
No. 12: Virginia Tech
Virginia Tech has found the ACC waters to be pretty smooth, having won the league three times in the five years it's been a member. Given how the ACC has stacked up in recent times against the other major conferences, however, the Hokies' much-hyped opener against SEC power Alabama in the Georgia Dome on Sept. 5 may prove to be more important than any other game they play all year - at least for the ACC's sake as a whole.
No. 11: California
People have been talking for quite a while now trying to find a team to dethrone USC as the Pac Ten's top team. I don't think it's going to happen for a long time, but if there is one team that has the possibility to do it in 2009, without a doubt it's the Golden Bears. If running back Jahvid Best hangs around for one more season and let's the hype around Tebow, Colt McCoy and Sam Bradford wither away, he'll be the Heisman front-runner in 2010.
No. 10: Ole Miss
Song of the Day: Houston Nutt - Tell Me How My A** Taste (Remix). Produced by: Shaquille O'Neal. CD mailed to: Arkansas Athletic Department
No. 9: Alabama
Warning: Serious love for the SEC is about to be exhibited. I tried to contain myself, but when you reel in a top-five recruiting class like Nick Saban did, your team is coached by Saban and you have the likes of superfreak Julio Jones returning on offense and defensive standouts Terrence Cody and Rolando McClain, you AT LEAST can't keep Bama out of the top 10.
No. 8: Ohio State
Terrelle Pryor showed why he was the No. 1 recruit in the nation out of high school last season when he guided the Buckeyes to a 10-2 regular season and a near-upset of Texas in the Fiesta Bowl as a true freshman. All reports out of Columbus say Pryor has made tremendous strides since last season. If that is true, Ohio State could wind up playing for its third championship in four years (note to God: please don't let this happen).
No. 7: Penn State
All fingers point to the Lions' highly-anticipated matchup with Pryor and the Buckeyes Nov. 7. This is probably the only Big Ten game you'll see me get excited about for the next 15-20 years.
No. 6: LSU
Les Miles is too good of a coach, and the Tigers are too good of a team to even have a chance or replicating their dismal 3-5 SEC season from a year ago. LSU found their answer at quarterback in sophomore Jordan Jefferson, who had an outstanding game in the Tigers' 38-3 stomping of Georgia Tech in last year's Chik-Fil-A Bowl. While LSU will be hoping to ride the wave of their bowl win well into this season, it won't be easy given their daunting conference schedule that features road contests against Georgia, Alabama and Ole Miss and a home tilt against Florida.
No. 5: Oklahoma State
Mike Gundy doesn't have boys at Oklahoma State anymore - THEY'RE MEN! Most of those men are on the offensive side of the ball, headlined by the three-headed monster of quarterback Zac Robinson (3,064 yards, 25 TD, 10 INT), running back Kendall Hunter (1,555 yards, 20 TD) and wide out Dez Bryant (87 catches, 1,480 yards, 19 TD). As scary as the trio was last year, expect it to be even scarier this season. They should probably fittingly save their biggest scares of the year for Halloween - they'll be playing some team called Texas that day.
No. 4: USC
This is the most vulnerable the Trojans have looked since 2002...and I still have them at No. 4. USC will have to replace all three linebackers from last year's Rose Bowl team as Rey Maualuga, Brian Cushing and Clay Matthews all were selected in April's NFL Draft, and quarterback Mark Sanchez is gone as well and will be replaced by previously-mentioned Aaron Corp. Trojan fans shouldn't be too worried about the QB situation, though - Matt Leinart and Sanchez made pretty smooth transitions from the bench to the field, didn't they?
No. 3: Oklahoma
Oct. 17...OHHHH BABY!
No. 2: Texas
Oct. 17...OHHHH BABY!
No. 1: Florida
Tim Tebow. Jeffrey Demps. Chris Rainey. Urban Meyer. All 11 defensive starters back. Top-five recruiting class. There's nothing more to say about the Gators - I've accepted their nastiness for the 2009 season. Two goons in an office in downtown Sarasota right now are probably laughing, lighting up Cohibas, drinking Malibu-&-Cokes saying "Life is good." Okay, I need to throw up now.
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